I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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