We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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