We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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