I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
