what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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