I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
