Someone shit on the floor
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
