It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
