We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
