This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
