I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
