break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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