You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
