well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
love makes seman taste better
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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