i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
