So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
