ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
