stop calling my apartment porn island.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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