i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
