In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
