I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just had sex on a roof
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
