You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
