...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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