Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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