garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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