stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
