When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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