You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
