there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The struggles of a small town man whore
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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