Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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