ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
