My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
