I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
