So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
