the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
