Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You pole danced in your parka.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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