I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
