Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
