If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
