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I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
