so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The power of my boobs compel you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
