wanna go halves on a baby?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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