It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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