the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
