You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
