At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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