Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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