People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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