I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
