accomplished twins. life is a go
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
